The weekend

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An average weekend.

Saturday was the Templeton swim meet.  I did surprisingly well considering my lack of training.  The only thing I didn't like was the atmosphere.  It felt as though I didn't belong there anymore. 

I was the person from QEII who had been in the club the longest, and it seemed like my time had come and gone.  I haven't been training, I haven't talked to most people in weeks.  I have been stuck in a hole, and I don't know what to talk about with them.  When I sat next to someone, they'd get up and go sit with other people.  When someone asked me about something, I couldn't answer it because they had been talking about it when I wasn't there.  I was in different heats, different events, nothing was social about it.  The people I usually talk to weren't there, and so I was left to sit by myself listening to my ipod.  Going up for races, I would go see the coach.  Instead of a brief race plan, he just gave me a nod.  Not a word was spoken to me.  It was the first time that I have not enjoyed swimming.

The afternoon session wasn't much better... Slower people were chosen ahead of me for the relays, I was even insulted by "friends" from other clubs for being in a slower lane.  I was in a heat with 10 year olds, and even though I won my heat by quite a bit, I still felt like I was inferior to them.  They were there having so much fun with their friends, chatting and swimming well, with many years of that ahead of them.  I was 100% jealous.

The occasional person talked to me, but never a decent conversation. Two people asked what was up with "my depressing fb status'", I tried to avoid it, but it was very hard.  Only one of them actually realised what was going on, and I thank them for the hug, which I really needed :)

I'll see what happens over the next few weeks, and then the summer holidays, but if it going to be like what happened on the weekend, then I don't think I'll be swimming much longer.  I swim because it's fun.  Not fun = no more swimming.