Social experiment

I have decided that I am going to run my own 'social experiment'.

This is day 1, and I will try to post an update at least once a week till I reach my target in a few months time.  This is all positive stuff and I hope ya'll can be proud of what I'm about to begin!!!

Note 1. If you figure out what I'm doing, please don't tell anyone else.
Note 2. It will be easier for those who don't see me for a long time, so if you see me often make sure you PAY ATTENTION!!
Note 3. I came up with this idea very late at night, so I have the right to stop this experiment at any point

~Benny C

Not what I expected

I thought I would be fine.
I thought I could manage it.
I thought it would go back to how it was before.
I thought we'd still be close.

Turns out I'm not fine, I can't really manage it, it's nothing like it was before, and we're slowly drifting apart.  It doesn't really help that we're at each others throats all the time, but I can't help it when you treat me like I don't matter and as though we were never as close as we were.  You know me and I know you, so why the heck don't we act like it? I don't know... Why do I care? Because I just do.
It just frustrates me to no end when you don't think I'm good enough. I AM good enough and I do know what I'm talking about. If I didn't, I would say so.

You know me, and you know that words hurt. When I come up with a plan for myself, you say it's wrong. When I give you positive advice about school and stuff, I don't want to be told that I fucked up. You have no idea how it felt when you said you don't respect me as a coach. Just because you've been to national meets and might do a better job at it doesn't mean I don't know what I'm doing. If you want to do well, surely you would listen and take advice from everyone?
I want to help.
It's my job to help.
Friends help friends.


You probably don't even read this anymore... You probably didn't read that post I asked you to have a look at... You probably have no idea at all... If you do, you should know that I still care... You should know that I'll care as long as you care...

Great start to summer

So I haven't really had the start to summer that I was expecting...

First problem was my uni results were far worse than I thought =/  GPA of 1.33 is nothing to brag about. By getting these shit results, it means my parents are angry and are now making me pay $50 a week just to stay at home. I can barely afford this in my current 'financial situation'.

Second issue is that my car has crapped out on several occasions. Yes, this can and will be fixed, but it's costing a lot.. It also has made me keen to get a different/newer/better car. I've had a look around, and I can actually get something pretty decent for about $2500 - $3000 (which could be possible if I get a loan from my parents).

Another issue which I guess I should expect, is that organising fun stuff and outings is an absolute MISSION.  Everyone has work, or other commitments... Although when we do get something planned, it goes off =D



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I've been internalising a really complicated situation in my head.. I want to do something about it, but I don't know that it's appropriate. I can always just leave things how they are and keep looking, or I could see where this takes me. If I do go with it, a whole number of things could go wrong... Mess up another friendship, be known as 'that guy', and not to mention how shit would go down -.-
On the other hand, if I don't do anything then we continue how we are, you'll probably find someone else (I will too hopefully), and I'll probably always think about "what could've been", etc.

I guess the sensible thing to do is give it some time and see where it takes itself without forcing anything.  I shall keep my options open and I will take other people's feelings into consideration. Tbh, I don't even know if I want this myself. AARGHGDVSJHSJ  told you it was complicated o_O

SUMMER POSITION AVAILABLE

Position: My +1 for the summer.

Job description: Hangout with me and friends and do stuff over the summer holidays.

Ideal Applicant (not limited to this): Female, Single, aged between 16-19.

Reason for opening:  No one really wants to spend the holidays by themselves, and it can be really difficult to organise a group outing.  This allows for easy planning and action as well as a lot of fun.

Examples of what would be required: Accompany me to outings with mates, road-trips, other random stuff like movies and minigolf. Also possible chance of doing things that I haven't done since I was a little kid such as making a fort, etc.

Compulsory events: Watch new Twilight movie with me, day trip to Okains Bay and Akaroa.

Below this line is a questionaire that MUST be filled out and sent to me before Monday 28th November at 5pm!!!!!
Please send your completed form to fleedle@hotmail.com
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Full Name:
D.O.B:
Current Relationship status:
Contact phone number:

Why do you want to hang out with me over the summer?
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List (at least) 5 things you would like to do during your time as my +1
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Why do you think you are the best person to hang out with?
 -

What are you favourite hobbies/interests?
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List (at least) 5 artists or songs that you would like to listen to
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 -
 -
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What are some of the things you know and/or like about me? (3-4 sentences should suffice)
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What do you dislike about me?
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Any other comments?
-

Instead of writing your typical post about being sad because another relationship has ended, I'm going to make a list of all the good times we had together in the hope that I can add to the list again in the future

- When I got carpet burn and it left a mark for a few days
- When my mum found a bit of your hair in my bed
- Going for those runs and just talking about random stuff
- Movie night
- Just chilling on your roof doing nothing
- The first time you fell asleep in my arms
- How fast my heart was racing when we first kissed
- When we went to Corey's party then back to tayla's for the night
- The first time you said those three words to me at Neptune meet
- The look on your face when I had the purple lynx on
- Meeting all of your friends (at least twice ;P)
- When you helped me shop for my mums birthday present
- Going to see Transformers and Harry Potter
- When you gave me your shirt to wear
- When you fell asleep on the phone because you didn't want to hang up
- On my birthday when you came to morning training with me and made me breakfast. Then I got to spend most of the morning with you showing you around the UC campus =)
- My EPIC birthday present that I seriously couldn't handle
- About 2am on 21/07/2011 and that awkward shopping trip the next morning
- My party when you had a bit much to drink =/
- Getting dressed up for your formal
- When I stayed at your house on a saturday night and we'd sleep in till I had to go to work
- Helping with the set for Seussical and getting to see the show
- When you thought your birthday present hadn't arrived but it did (and you thought it was a massive dildo hahahaha)
- Your birthday party where I had to bob for apples first and I didn't win the treasure hunt -.-
- The look on your face when I came back from South Islands wearing a suit
- Going to Shirley BK and The Palms for our 6months because nothing else is open on this side of town
- When you brought your sisters and roxy to Graham Condon for the opening =)
- When you trusted me enough to not give you my FB password when you went to aussie
- Getting to see you at Amy's place for the rugby
- Spending the whole afternoon with you the day after and playing all of those cool board games that I'd never played before
- Our last kiss <3

There is WAY more than this, but this is all I could remember off the top of my head in such a rush before work.
Like I said in the post before this, I'll love you till forever and a bit longer.

Exams and Love

Exams and love are two completely different things, but they are actually quite similar now that I think about it.

~ To do well in exams and love you have to work hard, prepare for the unexpected and be confident in your abilities.
~ They both make you nervous and makes it hard to think straight.
~ When you get it right, it's the best feeling in the world.
~ If things go wrong, it can change your life forever.
~ It doesn't really matter how everyone else goes as long as you do your best and are proud of the results.
~ It's key to read the signs/hints that you get as this may help you achieve greatness.
~ It's a good idea to know what kind of questions are going to come up that you may need to answer.
~ Past exams are fine to look at to get an idea of what you're in for, but the best preparation is to understand every single piece of material you have been taught.
~ Even the most amazing people can stuff up every now and then.
~ Talking things over with another person can help you understand the situation/question.
~ Both short and long answers are fine as long as the main point is talked about.
~ I'll suggest that love may not seem as important as exams some times, but in the end what are we really here for? To study and do well is a very good idea, but you can enjoy life much more if you have someone to share it with.

Also remember these two things:
1. When we are young, we can't wait till we grow up; when we are old we wish we had a second chance. (In other words, make the most of what you have now so you live with no regrets)
2. Success lasts forever and a bit longer if you want it to.

I seriously need help =(


 - A poem:
Lies have built upon lies, and no truth can now be seen,
All that's left are stories of things that have have not been.
I wish I could go back weeks to before it all began,
I'd start with something fresh, perhaps a new game plan.
The truth would tear me open and I'd feel so unprotected,
But the lies have been far worse, they've left me utterly infected.
I have lied straight to your face and it's killed me deep inside,
I'd much rather make you smile from the true things set aside.
Unfortunately I can't go back now, It'd break us well apart,
I would hate myself forever and I'm sure I'd break your heart.
Things will stand as they are, nothing but the truth in your eyes,
When I know what really happens. All I tell is lies.

For those of you who read this, you probably have no idea what I'm talking about and I'd like it to stay that way just so no one else gets hurt.  It can't stay this way forever, but for now it's how I survive.