Not what I expected

I thought I would be fine.
I thought I could manage it.
I thought it would go back to how it was before.
I thought we'd still be close.

Turns out I'm not fine, I can't really manage it, it's nothing like it was before, and we're slowly drifting apart.  It doesn't really help that we're at each others throats all the time, but I can't help it when you treat me like I don't matter and as though we were never as close as we were.  You know me and I know you, so why the heck don't we act like it? I don't know... Why do I care? Because I just do.
It just frustrates me to no end when you don't think I'm good enough. I AM good enough and I do know what I'm talking about. If I didn't, I would say so.

You know me, and you know that words hurt. When I come up with a plan for myself, you say it's wrong. When I give you positive advice about school and stuff, I don't want to be told that I fucked up. You have no idea how it felt when you said you don't respect me as a coach. Just because you've been to national meets and might do a better job at it doesn't mean I don't know what I'm doing. If you want to do well, surely you would listen and take advice from everyone?
I want to help.
It's my job to help.
Friends help friends.


You probably don't even read this anymore... You probably didn't read that post I asked you to have a look at... You probably have no idea at all... If you do, you should know that I still care... You should know that I'll care as long as you care...

Great start to summer

So I haven't really had the start to summer that I was expecting...

First problem was my uni results were far worse than I thought =/  GPA of 1.33 is nothing to brag about. By getting these shit results, it means my parents are angry and are now making me pay $50 a week just to stay at home. I can barely afford this in my current 'financial situation'.

Second issue is that my car has crapped out on several occasions. Yes, this can and will be fixed, but it's costing a lot.. It also has made me keen to get a different/newer/better car. I've had a look around, and I can actually get something pretty decent for about $2500 - $3000 (which could be possible if I get a loan from my parents).

Another issue which I guess I should expect, is that organising fun stuff and outings is an absolute MISSION.  Everyone has work, or other commitments... Although when we do get something planned, it goes off =D



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I've been internalising a really complicated situation in my head.. I want to do something about it, but I don't know that it's appropriate. I can always just leave things how they are and keep looking, or I could see where this takes me. If I do go with it, a whole number of things could go wrong... Mess up another friendship, be known as 'that guy', and not to mention how shit would go down -.-
On the other hand, if I don't do anything then we continue how we are, you'll probably find someone else (I will too hopefully), and I'll probably always think about "what could've been", etc.

I guess the sensible thing to do is give it some time and see where it takes itself without forcing anything.  I shall keep my options open and I will take other people's feelings into consideration. Tbh, I don't even know if I want this myself. AARGHGDVSJHSJ  told you it was complicated o_O